It’s nearing daybreak and i still cannot get to sleep. I have been depending on painkillers the whole of yesterday to suppress my fever. I don’t know if there’s a direct link or whatsoever, but i experienced a tingling sensation on my right cheek several times after consumption of the painkillers. The prospect of any bell palsy recovery being threatened frightens me horribly but i am not that much of a bearer of pain when it comes to throbbing headaches and rising temperatures. At such, i still gave in and popped the pills. This is despite knowing that the medications do not alter the root of the problem at all.
Let’s face it. I am greatly myopic. I may weigh pros and cons of various issues effectively, be well-aware of dire consequences but end of the day, get attracted solely to quick profits. I live by digits, low and high as the different situations call for. In the same manner i cannot wait for the number of days for me to be completely healed from bell’s palsy (it has been over a month now) to be as small as possible, i wish the digits on the weighing scale will plunge lower.
So, i had a good talk with R on the way to my tuition kid’s place yesterday. You know, meeting R somewhat reduced my bulimic tendencies. He constantly assures me that i am not fat, encourages me to finish my food and often reminds me that i should be heavier. He practises great irony at several levels though. You see, he discriminates against people tipping on the heavier side of the scale. He has this impression that chubbier people are lazier and less capable of achieving similar tasks like your normal people of a skinnier body size. I retorted him almost too fiercely with regards to his lack of conviction.
The point i am trying to put across here is that i think i can never do away with bulimia completely. Once my body registers fullness, i have to rectify the situation. I have to.
